Was I HIGH?

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Originally uploaded by ErikHoltan.

I am SO sorry I have been negligent to all my blog friends lately, as it has been a bit stressful around the AO lately. I honestly, at this point am strongly considering pulling the plug on the reenlistment that I signed just 4 months ago! I have come to realize that this just might not be the line of work I want to continue when I get back! Yes, I have been interviewed before and I said that I Believe in the mission, and I definatley do, but I also have come to realize that this whole 1 team 1 fight thing is not all it is cracked up to be! This is in regards to the National Guard being deployed and mixing with active duty units and people. We think DIFFERENTlY, and our mindframes and intent is different in a lot of cases! For example, MY mission here is to do the mission I was called away from my state from and get home ASAP, and a lot of AD members mission is to further their career no matter how many times or where they get deployed. That is their job. This IS NOT MY CAREER forever! I, as an E-5, am used as a pawn in the game of blame, and finding faults in leadership styles! I have been embarrassed in the past 2 days as a pawn, and in yesterdays case I was embarrassed at the staff meeting by the general for doing something I was told to do! He had EVERY right to question me about it, and in this case he was right, and I understand the point, but I was left on an island! Back to the AD and National Guard! We don't have the same career goals, and in the words of someone yesterday of someone I talked to yesterday they told me the National Guard is not for them cause it is a "good ol boys" network!! WHAT? This is the BIGGEST good ol boys network I have EVER seen here. I agree there are parts of the NG that do use that approach, and that is the case EVERYWHERE you go, but to put a branch down for it is ludicrous. That comprimises your opinion with me from now on concerning NG issues, and what you think of us!
I am DISGUSTED with the acts of "fellow great Americans" as the general calls them! I want to say that I LOVE the general I work under here, and think when he is in a room he makes room a lot smarter when he speaks. If I do tear up my reenlistment, I will feel bad because MG Shellito was here to perform the ceremony for me, and I really was psyched that this was for me! Not that it is not, and maybe it will change, but right now, I want to get home and forget about the military! Cause right now it sucks being here and I could really care less WHY I am here! I don't feel like giving 1 more ounce of my energy to this mission because it is a political game at this point, and I just sit here and listen to poeple sweat the things that don't have anything to do with MY mission!
Another thing, there was a soldier who was punished for publishing a blog with Classified information as far as casualty info. and stuff that should not get out! That kind of stuff ruins it for the rest of us that just want to show people what it is like and use this forum as a release. And as the military goes, I would not be surprised if they came down harder on blogs, and that would suck! But that increases my feelings of discord with the organization! I have been fortunte to this point to be able to show you what some of us go through, and while I am not doing patrols and raids, remember that MOST poeple in the military perform a supporting role so the warfighters can utilize their bravery to the best of their abilities! That is fine with me, and those guys do a GREAT job!
I really don't want feedback and comments today on my post that say "Sorry you having a bad day again" because I really am not, but I HATE being here right now, and that is the way it is!
Later,
Erik